Two More Countries Join Coalition

WASHINGTON D.C. - The Bush administration was emboldened today by news that its coalition of partners in the regime change / disarmament / liberation / beautification / fiber opticication of Iraq has swelled to five. Along with Great Britain and Spain, Liechtenstein and Andorra have agreed in principal to accept a $40 billion gift for their complete, unwavering support for the U.S. attack on Iraq.

This announcement ends several months of negotiations, which seemed ready to collapse on Saturday when 18 Liechtensteinians and 7 Andorrans, amounting to 86% of the two countries' populations, marched in mass demonstration in their respective capitals against the war. Vaslav Brecht, a parliamentarian in the Liechtenstein House of Two Barons, corrected his past public statement that "Numb nuts Bush is in it only for the oil.” "What I meant to say was, by leaving Saddam in power, nations like Liechtenstein that have no means of defense are in grave, immediate danger of loosing out on big American bribes."

Liechtenstein and Andorra will not be sending troops to the Middle East, as neither country has a standing army; however, for an additional $2 billion, Liechtenstein has also agreed to send 12,100 liters of beer to the region. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld praised the two old European nations for their commitment.

Rumsfeld denied that there was any rift in the administration over the use of the Liechtenstein beer. Pentagon sources have reported that Rumsfeld believes strongly that the beer should be used solely by celebrating US Forces in a "Baghdad pillage party to end all pillage parties." The same sources were told by the Secretary that he personally would do a victory jig over the dead body of Saddam while sucking back jello shooters. A faction of the administration said to be spearheaded by Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice, the administration’s only cabinet members of color, has called for the President to airdrop the beer on the starving Iraqi people. At yesterday's White House press briefing, Ari Fleisher attempted to put the matter to rest when he told reporters that President Bush envisions "a post-Saddam Iraq in which both American troops and Iraqi goat herders can sit in a room and chug back some brewskis while watching HBO's The Sopranos transmitted into Iraqi hovels via fiber optics - fiber optics made in the good ol' USA.”

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