Hussein Does Everything Possible To Change President's Mind

NEW YORK - In a shocking turn of events in the showdown between the US and Iraq, Iraqi ambassador Terik Aziz gave a report to the UN Security council Tuesday morning in which he submitted video evidence of Saddam Hussein personally destroying the country's entire stockpile of VX, Anthrax and other chemical and biological agents, as well as the trace amounts of fissile nuclear material that was in Iraqi possession.

A taped conversation between Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong Il of North Korea was also introduced. In it, Hussein manages to convince Kim that their efforts to harass and embarrass the West are futile and that he should dismantle the North Korean nuclear program. Kim capitulated. Both leaders commented on how much they admire Barbara Bush’s refusal to dye her hair and they both added that they were pulling for the Rangers to win the pennant.

In a second taped conference call between Hussein, General Musharif of Pakistan and one billion Indians, Hussein convinces both parties to disarm and evenly divide the Kashmir region.

The Iraqi ambassador presented the US ambassador with several boxes of hard to get Sees Candies to take back to the President with kind regards from your pal, Saddy.

The Security Council was then witness to the premiere of the music video "We Are The Arab World" in which a sheepish Saddam Hussein is joined by Yassar Arafat, Hezbollah leaders, Mohammed al Jarreau of al Qaeda, three Saudi princes, the sign formerly known as a prince of Saudi Arabia and Justin Timberlake. The video, to be broadcasted on Al Jazeera television beginning tomorrow, calls for all Islamic radicals to put an end to their unjust hatred of America and the West in the name of Allah. One verse that is sure to have many suicidal bombers rethinking their zeal asks radicals, "Infidels ak Sminfidels, look in the mirror for the true infidels."

In response, President George W. Bush said, "This is just a game he's playing. Saddam is up to his old tricks again and I'm tired of this rerun. America will remove this evildoer beginning with the first sortie tonight at 2100 hours. God Bless the United States."

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