Saddam Hussein Considers Need For Preemptive Strike To Preempt U.S. Preemptive Strike

BAGHDAD – President Hussein convened a five hour meeting today with his top military officials and thirteen mustachioed actors (the Not-Ready-For-Mecca Players), who do dead on impressions of the dictator, to discuss the need to go to war with the United States before the U.S. goes to war with Iraq before Iraq can strike the U.S.

Saddam is quoted as saying, “No one wants a preemptive preemptive attack. On page 881 paragraph B article 4 of the Koran, Allah specifically says, ‘Preemptive preemptive attacks are not so good things’ or something like that, but I understand that the Iraqi people understand that there is a clear and immediate threat from George Bush. He has the weapons and the desire and has been linked to armies in Spain and England and Australia. My faith in Allah sustains me and I thank you, the Iraqi people, for your prayers.”

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