The Netherlands Considers Preemptive Strike On Good-For-Nothing Belgium

THE HAUGE – Dutch Prime Minister Wim Kok is taking advantage of the world’s attention on the U.S/Iraqi crisis to put in motion plans for a preemptive strike on neighboring Belgium. The government has issued a report detailing the grave, albeit bogus, Belgian threat to justify the current course of action.

Previous Dutch coalitions had all given up hope for a good excuse to stick it to “those bloody Belgian bastards.” However, the new Bush Doctrine, which provides a moral loophole for those who draw first blood, has given cause for renewed optimism throughout Holland. From Dikesberg to Windmillsville, the vast majority of Dutch citizens are showing support for the Kok government’s campaign to rid the leaky nation of their stinky neighbors.

Foreign Minister Jaap de Hoop Scheffer, speaking on behalf of the Kok government, said, “The truth of the matter is no one honestly believes the Belgians would actually attack us, but come on, they’re Belgians! Who’s going to miss Belgians? Their waffles, maybe, but Belgians? Trust me, western civilization will carry on.”

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