Iraqis Reject Democracy

BAGHDAD, IRAQ -- Only one day after millions of Iraqi citizens raised their purple fingers in jubilance, they went back to the polls to reject democracy after learning that democracy meant they could be called to serve on jury duty.

“Wait, what? This means I might get called for jury duty? No way. Screw that,” said one still out-of-work Saddam torture victim. Another still out-of-work Saddam torture victim pointed out that it is easy for Americans to have democracy because they can get their bosses to write them a note to get out of jury duty, whereas in Baghdad all the bosses have been blown up.

For the first time in 18 months there were no terrorist attacks on military troops or civilians. Dumbfounded insurgents found themselves inundated with requests to write notes excusing still out-of-work Saddam torture victims from jury duty. The requests cited the hardship of getting to bombed out courthouses without getting bombed. However, when Al Zarqawi followers in Fallujah explained that such excuses would only bring a dismissive scowl from judges, it was back to the polls.

Mabel al-Muhammad, a Sunni woman from Peoria, Iraq, summed it up for most of her fellow Iraqis, “I hate America. Kill Bush. This is my country, but I just received a jury summons and I got a thing on Tuesday, so Bush stay. America great.”

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